When I imagine my future children, I hear three languages in our kitchen. Spanish from me: the lullabies, the “¡ay, mi amor!”, the abuela stories. German from my husband: the songs, the Christmas traditions, the Oma on the phone. And English from everything else: school, friends, hockey practice, the Muskoka winters.
And I wonder. Is three too many? Will they mix everything up? Will the Spanish survive once school starts? Will they feel at home in Mexico, in Germany and in Canada, or in none of them?
I don’t have all the answers. But as a doula, I sit with a lot of families asking the same questions, and I’ve been reading. Here’s what I’ve learned so far.
Myth: “Two languages will confuse the baby. Three is too much.”
This is the worry I hear most, from grandparents, friends, sometimes even professionals. The research says it isn’t true.
Learning more than one language does not cause confusion or language delay. [1] Babies are built to learn the languages around them, and researchers have found that children can learn three. [2] Multilingual kids sometimes mix words (“¿Me das more Apfelsaft?”). That’s normal. It’s a sign they’re using everything they know.
What does matter is how much a child hears each language. A language a child rarely hears is hard to keep. So with three languages, the question isn’t “Can my child learn them?” It’s “Will my child hear each one enough?”
If a child does have a speech delay, the advice is usually to keep the home languages and talk to a speech-language pathologist, not to drop them.
The plan I keep coming back to
From what I’ve read and seen in other families, the plans that work are simple and consistent:
One parent, one language. I’d speak Spanish. My husband would speak German. English would come from school, friends and the world around us.
A shared family language. Parents still need a language to talk to each other. For us, that’s English. Kids pick up on that too.
Make each language necessary. Kids keep a language when they need it: to talk to Oma, to play with primos, to understand the bedtime story.
Expect the “English phase.” Most multilingual kids reach a point where they answer in the school language. Families who keep speaking their language warmly, without shame or pressure, usually see it come back.
Will I do it perfectly? Probably not. But I’d rather aim for it than let two of those languages quietly slip away.
Culture is more than words
Language is a big part of it, but not all of it. What traditions would you like to keep going and which ones would you like to let go of? For example, in my family I picture:
Three sets of celebrations. Día de Reyes and Nikolaustag. Día de los Muertos and St. Martin’s lanterns. Canadian Thanksgiving in October.
Food from every side. Tamales and Lebkuchen. Caldo and Kartoffelsuppe. Kids with masa and cookie dough on their hands.
Stories from every side. Where Mamá grew up. Where Papá grew up. How we found each other.
The part that’s hard
I know there will be days when a child comes home and says, “Why do we have to speak Spanish?” or “Why is our food different?”
I hope I’ll remember that it’s not a rejection. It’s a kid trying to fit in. I hope I’ll listen, tell my own stories about feeling like ni de aquí, ni de allá, and keep gently offering the gift anyway.
And there is a gift in it. A large review of studies found that people who feel connected to both of their cultures tend to have better well-being and social adjustment than people who feel they have to pick one. [3] Later research adds nuance, but the message holds: being from more than one place isn’t a problem to solve. It’s a strength.
Why I’m writing this now
Because so much of this starts before a baby is even born. Which languages you’ll whisper at 3 am. Which songs you’ll sing. Which traditions you’ll bring into the birth room and the first forty days.
If you’re expecting and wondering about these things too, you’re not alone. As a doula, I support families in English and en Español, and I’d love to help you think it through. Book a free consult →
Hecho con cariño, Natalia
This post is for general information and doesn't replace advice from your midwife, doctor or the hospital. Hospital policies can change, so always check with MAHC and your care provider for the latest.
References
HealthLinkBC. Speech and language delays: common misconceptions.
Potgieter, A.P. & Southwood, F. (2016). Lexical and grammatical development in trilingual speakers of isiXhosa, English and Afrikaans. South African Journal of Communication Disorders.
Nguyen, A.-M. D. & Benet-Martínez, V. (2013). Biculturalism and adjustment: A meta-analysis. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 44(1).
Resources
MAMLISE, information for multilingual families: What is multilingualism?
EarlyON Child and Family Centres: free programs for kids 0–6 across Ontario, including Muskoka. Find a centre
Speech concerns? Ask your doctor about a speech-language pathologist, and mention that your child hears more than one language.
Your library: ask for your language board books. If they don’t have them, ask them to order some.
