Most people who have a baby in Canada can call their mom and say, “Can you come over?” and she’s there in twenty minutes.
For a lot of us, she’s a seven-hour flight away. Or a visa application away. Or a time zone where it’s 3 am when you finally have a quiet minute to cry.
I’m an immigrant. I’m not a mother yet, but I think about what it will mean to become one far from the women who raised me. And as a doula, I walk into the homes of immigrant families who are living it right now. This post is for them, and for anyone getting ready to become a parent far from home.
In many of our cultures, a new mother is never alone. La cuarentena. Sitting the month. The forty days. Different names, same idea: the women of the family take over so the new mother can heal.
When you move countries, that village usually doesn’t move with you. And it’s a real loss, even if you chose to come here and you love your life in Canada.
You might feel:
Lonely, even surrounded by kind people who just don’t get it.
Grief that your mamá can’t hold the baby, or will only meet them on a screen.
Guilt for having moved away, or for feeling sad when you “should” be grateful.
Tired in a way that’s harder because no one brings the caldo.
All of that is normal. It doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice.
Why support matters even more for us
This isn’t just a feeling. In Canada, research has found that newcomer and refugee mothers are more likely to report symptoms of postpartum depression than Canadian-born mothers, and low social support is one of the biggest reasons. [1] [2]
That’s not meant to scare you. It means that building support before the baby comes isn’t a luxury for immigrant families. It’s protection.
Building a village from scratch
Bring family here, if you can. If your mamá or suegra can visit, plan the dates around the first weeks after birth, not the due date. Babies are late. The hard weeks come after.
Find your people. Other immigrant parents, a Latinx or German community group, your place of worship, the families at EarlyON. Friends who’ve been through it are gold.
Use the phone, on purpose. Schedule video calls when it’s daytime for both of you. Let abuela sing to the baby. Let her walk you through her caldo recipe.
Accept help from new people. Neighbours, coworkers, the friend from yoga. They may not know what to bring, so tell them.
Hire the help your family would have given. That’s what a postpartum doula is: someone who cooks, holds the baby while you shower, helps with feeding, and makes sure you are cared for.
Navigating a system that isn’t yours
Having a baby in a new country also means learning how things work here. A few things families often don’t know:
You can bring your culture into the birth room. Music, prayers, a rebozo, foods you want after the birth. Write them into your birth plan and tell your midwife or doctor.
Ask about interpretation. If you’re more comfortable in your first language for medical conversations, ask your care team ahead of time what’s available. You deserve to fully understand your own care.
Register your baby. In Ontario, the Newborn Registration Service lets you register the birth online and apply for a birth certificate, a Social Insurance Number and the Canada Child Benefit at the same time. [3]
Settlement services can help. Settlement.Org explains health care, benefits and services for newcomers to Ontario.
Raising a child between worlds
Your baby will grow up here. They might speak the language of the place you are now residing in better than you one day. They might love winter. They might roll their eyes at your traditions, and then, years later, ask you to teach them.
You’re giving them something rare: roots in more than one place. Don’t let anyone tell you your accent, your food or your songs are something to hide. They’re part of your child’s inheritance.
You don’t have to do this alone
If you’re an immigrant family expecting a baby in Muskoka, I’d love to support you, in English or en español. I know what it’s like to build a life far from home. Let’s build your village together.
And if you’re part of the Casa de Parteras community, come to Mother Circle, a monthly gathering where mothers sit together, talk and feel held.
Are you curious about in person or online support with a doula that is also an immigrant?
Hecho con cariño, Natalia
This post is for general information and doesn't replace advice from your midwife, doctor or the hospital. Hospital policies can change, so always check with MAHC and your care provider for the latest.
References
Stewart, D.E. et al. (2008). Postpartum depression risk factors among recent refugee, asylum-seeking, non-refugee immigrant, and Canadian-born women. Archives of Women’s Mental Health. See also MGH Center for Women’s Mental Health: Risk of postpartum depression in immigrant women.
Statistics Canada. Maternal Mental Health in Canada, 2018/2019.
Government of Ontario. Register a birth (new baby).
Resources
Settlement.Org: information for newcomers to Ontario on health, benefits and services. settlement.org
Pregnancy planning for newcomers to Canada, from the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada: pregnancyinfo.ca
Register your newborn in Ontario: ontario.ca/newborn
EarlyON Child and Family Centres: free programs and a great place to meet other parents. Find a centre
Postpartum Support International, in English and Spanish: postpartum.net · 1-800-944-4773
In crisis? Call or text 988, 24/7.
